


If It Brings Me To My Knees

by boychickenboy



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: CW: Minor self-hatred about sexuality mentioned, Demon Shane Madej, Demon!Shane, M/M, RPF, cw: panic attacks, shit gets spooky folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 14:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15367059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boychickenboy/pseuds/boychickenboy
Summary: The boys make a detour to Satan's Hollow while in Ohio. A last minute trip that proves itself more dangerous than anyone could have ever expected. It's there that secrets are revealed and two lives are changed forever.





	If It Brings Me To My Knees

**Author's Note:**

> Hi this is my first BFU fic and the first RPF that I've ever published and I've been working on it for the last few days and I'm really, really proud of it but also so ashamed that I have caved to writing BFU fic... that being said, there's probably more to come in the future.
> 
> Additionally, the end might feel a little rushed because I felt like I was drawing it out too long and I just wanted to make them kiss :\ but I might eventually rewrite the end and try to make it more exciting and not feel like I just tried to hastily tie everything together. Also I was drunk when I wrote the end. Haha whoops. Also pretty much this entire fic was borne out of my wanting to write a demon!Shane that was actually like accurate to what demons are sorta kinda supposed to look like after reading one too many demon!Shane fics where he has fckn bat wings and like horns. Shit's dumb as hell.
> 
> LASTLY: Satan's Hollow is a real place!!! I wanna go so bad!! It's one of my favorite urban legends/haunted spots and I have so many personal theories about what's going on there!! I also have never been there so idk if any of the physical descriptions of the place are accurate but also I don't really care :\ if you wanna talk to me about Satan's Hollow or BFU or like other shit u can message me on tumblr @ boychickenboy.tumblr.com!!!
> 
> Title from Frank Ocean's Bad Religion

The black car was parked, haphazard, a few yards from the deserted country road. There was a stream bubbling just a short stride from the two men who stood in the dying yellow grass and it provided a oxymoronic soundtrack to their panicked posturing.

 

The taller man stood, fists balled so that his knuckles began to turn white. Muscles pulled taut in an effort to keep the man planted where he was, no matter how much he so badly wanted to move. The shorter man kneeled, hunched, shaking against the ground. His body was rising and falling with labored, heaving breaths. The man standing inched forward, grass crunching under his hiking boot, alerting the other of his movement. Immediately, the man in the ground shot out a hand, palm out, and the man standing stopped.

 

“Ryan,” he said, trembling, “please.”

 

“SHUT UP, SHANE! Jesus christ, just give me a minute!”

 

Shane halted again and sighed out a shattered breath.

 

“Fuck.” He stated, plainly and flatly. Running a hand through his unruly hair, he sighed and crouched from where he stood. “What the fuck.”

 

—-

 

**_EARLIER THAT DAY_ **

 

The roads whizzed by them, forests and greenery blurred and scenting the air with a sharp, earthy perfume. Britney Spears blasted in the car speakers, the two men sung along in twin, tinny voices, neither caring what the other sounded like.

 

Shane mimicked drumming, holding imaginary sticks in his hands despite the obvious lack of drums in the song. Ryan’s head bobbed enthusiastically and he laughed through lyrics, face bright and smile wide.

 

The song ended and the two laughed breathlessly, rocking to and fro from the energy of it. The radio announcer broke the magic and Shane leaned forward to turn down the volume dial so that it was just a murmur in the background.

 

He took this moment to watch Ryan as he drove, all teeth and crinkled eyes. He was still whispering the lyrics to the song they had just sung and thankfully was not paying enough attention to notice Shane’s unabashed staring. The sight made his chest warm and his fingers and stomach tingle and usually he would beat down the feeling but right now… right now he relished in it.

 

“We’re about three hours away.” Ryan announced after a moment, breaking Shane out of his reverie and he nodded, settling back into his seat. They drove for a few minutes in relative silence until Ryan’s stomach growled loudly enough for Shane to notice.

 

“Grub?” He asked. Ryan paused for a moment before nodding and changing lanes, searching for the closest fast food joint. Being in the middle of Buttfuck Nowhere, Ohio, it took a good fifteen minutes before a road sign announced a blessed McDonald’s laid only a few miles in front of them. Ryan took the next exit and easily found the golden arches towering over the freeway. They pulled into the drive-thru and Ryan blundered through an awkward interaction with the employee at the window who seemed to want to end their exchange even more than Ryan did. He received their hulking bag of food and pulled into a parking spot.

 

Each of the boys munched idly at their burgers, sipping from much-too-sugary coffee drinks. Only the radio crackling in and out of signal breaking the quiet. Once they finished with their burgers and were halfheartedly picking at the soggy fries at the bottom of the bag, Shane let out a breath.

 

“So… where are we going, again?”

 

He said this mostly to get a rise out of Ryan, who had gone over the itinerary multiple times before and during their trip, but he loved it when the other man gave him those  _ looks _ , those amused, faux-annoyed looks and he did everything and anything to tease them out. But of course he knew where they were going. They had begun at the Ohio State Penitentiary and while there had heard tell of another infamously haunted Ohio spot. They had decided, last minute, to squeeze one more shoot into their weeklong trip.

 

“Blue Ash.” Ryan replied, sounding exasperated and blessing Shane with said  _ look _ . Shane snickered into his drink, chest warming again, before nodding. “And what, pray tell, is in Blue Ash?”

 

Ryan gesticulated in the general direction of his bag, where the schedule was nestled safely. “Do you listen to literally anything I say?” He asked, but he was smirking. Shane just shrugged. “Sometimes, when you’re not being boring.”

 

Groaning, Ryan rolled his eyes before taking a long sip of his frappe but he was smiling in a private sort of way. “We’re going to Blue Ash, Ohio. It’s said that there’s a haunted drainage tunnel-”

 

“A  _ drainage tunnel _ ? You’re making us stomp around in  _ sewage _ now? God, where will it end with you…” Shane sighed dramatically. Ryan just pursed his lips and shook his head before going back into his explanation.

 

“Don’t start complaining just yet, I’m breaking my one-demon-per-season rule for this,”

 

Shane perked up at the mention of demons, one eyebrow raising curiously, prompting Ryan to continue.

 

“It’s said to be a popular site for satanists. People have found altars, pentagrams, and evidence of satanic ritual. Apparently…” Ryan paused, looking a little uneasy. “Apparently… they tried summoning Satan there.”

 

A laugh ripped from Shane and it made Ryan visibly relax, although his face melted into a playfully disgruntled expression. “It’s scary, dude!” He insisted, lightly punching Shane’s arm. “Plus, apparently there’s a Shadow Man that haunts the place and people reported seeing floating skulls and shit.”

 

Something flitted across Shane’s face at the mention of a Shadow Man and he tried to hide the genuine concern and worry that he knew would be obvious to Ryan if he was paying attention. However, at the floating skulls, he grinned again, aiming a look at Ryan. “Yeah, sure. Sounds  _ super spooky _ .” He wiggled his fingers at Ryan and chuckled, glancing out the window, not catching how Ryan’s gaze lingered on his hands as they danced a little in the air. One landed delicately on the armrest between them. Ryan tried not to think about reaching out, only just, to rest his hand on top of Shane’s. This was a feeling he had much practice ignoring, or beating down.

 

Ryan allowed his gaze to dance up Shane’s arm and over his neck where it stretched gracefully. Shane’s jaw was sharp and his stubble short and Ryan had an urge to press his lips to it. Usually this was the part where he would shake his head and force himself to stop thinking, but Shane was distracted by something on his phone and these roadtrips always made everything feel so much more… magical. So he let himself look and he let himself have these small moments of desire.

 

After a moment, Shane looked up from his phone and Ryan’s attention snapped to the radio, even though he had obviously not been messing with it for the last two minutes.

 

“Are we gonna just sit here forever or are you gonna get us to our ghouls?” Shane asked with a deadpan expression. Ryan smirked, ignoring the burning heat of a blush on his neck and ears.

 

They pulled out of the McDonald’s parking lot and back onto the freeway. The rest of the drive was quiet, Shane watching out of the window, deep in thought. Ryan glancing over at him a few times, checking his expression for any signs of distress. He seemed only pensive and when questioned said that he was having a McDonald’s hangover before settling down to take a nap for the rest of the trip.

 

After a few hours, they pulled into a rough, forested area. A stream bubbled happily behind them, providing a cheery ambience. The rest of the crew were already there, fiddling with cameras and sound equipment. There was an old man standing among them looking disgruntled. When Shane and Ryan stepped out of the car, stretching until their bones popped, the old man wandered over to them.

 

“Just don’t take all night.” He grumbled at them in lieu of a greeting. Shane blinked at Ryan for a moment before nodding. “Of course, sir. It’s just a quick video, no more than a couple hours.” He said, an air of professionalism seeming to calm the man.

 

“It’s not haunted, you know.” The man said after a moment of silence. Shane grinned, winking at Ryan. “Oh, I know,” He replied and Ryan turned his head to the forest to hide his eye roll. “It’s not haunted,” the man said again, “but there’s something down there. This is private property and if y’all get hurt, I ain’t paying for it. Just be careful.”

 

Ryan’s eyes had went wide as dinner plates and Shane’s grin disappeared and that concerned look returned for a half a second before it melted into an odd resolve, turning his eyes to the forest ahead. The old man nodded once, huffing before wandering off into the forest. Ryan breathed out a long gust of air, looking towards the path that led to the tunnel. “Holy fuck.” He whispered.

 

“Satan’s Hollow.” Shane said, suddenly. Ryan looked back at him in surprise. “What?”

 

Shane cleared his throat, ripping his eyes away from the line of trees. “I just remembered what you called it before. Satan’s Hollow, right?” He smiled, but it was strange. Ryan honestly couldn’t remember if he had actually ever said the name of the site to Shane, but he must have. It was a pretty important detail, even if he couldn’t remember saying it.

 

“Um… yeah. Should we go, then?”

 

Shane nodded, taking a deep breath and waving at the camera crew to follow them.

 

Their whole group moved quietly through the fallen leaves of autumn, the branches still clinging to yellowing leaves, but most having browned and landed on the forest floor. The cameramen were fussing with equipment as they walked, murmuring to one another, but Shane and Ryan moved ahead of all of them, faces pinched and silent.

 

After only a few minutes of walking, a large cement structure broke through the clearing and Shane stopped dead. Ryan’s steps stuttered, glancing back at Shane curiously. Shane seemed to be considering something, clearly rattled.

 

“Are you scared, Shane?” Ryan asked, meaning to be teasing but it came out more genuinely worried. Shane pursed his lips, eyes narrowing. “No. Just… concerned. The landowner said there was something down there. What if it’s like… actually dangerous.”

 

Ryan visibly swallowed, looking back at the tunnel. “The energy definitely-”

 

“No, Ryan, not one of your ghosts,” Shane snapped, immediately looking guilty when Ryan looked back at him, hurt. “Sorry, I mean like a person or a… I dunno… a bear?”

 

Ryan’s eyes widened again and Shane sighed and waved dismissively towards him. “Nevermind. He wouldn’t let us go in there if it wasn’t safe.”

 

The boys gave each other twin looks, concern and determination. They talked with the crew for a bit and Ryan mentioned that the tunnel was going to be difficult to get a camera crew through so most of their footage would have to be from chest cams and handhelds. TJ looked a little disgruntled but acquiesced.

 

They searched for a good place to sit so that they could film the intro and narration and settled on one of the ledges leading into the tunnel. Already, Ryan could hear strange noises echoing through the cement structure. Shane didn’t seem to notice as he allowed the sound tech to hook him up to a lav mic. Once they were both settled in and hooked up, the cameras began to roll and Shane immediately donned his normal jovial expression, visibly relaxing. It helped.

 

“So where the fuck are we, Ryan?” He asked cheerily. Ryan smirked, looking down at the paper he had in his hands. It was mostly the narration he had already written and the key points of the history of the place.

 

“We’re in Blue Ash, Ohio at Satan’s Hollow. A local urban legend and the site of some pretty dark stuff.” He put on an eery voice and Shane just nodded sagely, still smiling.

 

Ryan went into the history, allowing Shane to interrupt him with hysterical laughing, insightful and hilarious comments, and teasing. There wasn’t much actual history for Satan’s Hollow, so the bit didn’t end up being very long in the end, but Shane put on a good show with his bantering and Ryan tried his best not to shit himself when a loud banging rang through the tunnel behind them. As soon as the echoing subsided, Shane hopped down from the ledge and pointed his handheld at Ryan. “Ready?” He asked, trying to look nonchalant but there was something in his eyes that he hoped the cameras couldn’t catch. Ryan nodded and sighed shakily, following Shane inside.

 

The camera crew followed them into the entrance but it became clear that they wouldn’t be able to follow any further. Already, Shane’s head was bent and his shoulders hunched and Ryan felt preemptively bad for making him trudge through this narrow, cramped tunnel.

 

They filmed for a bit at the opening, mostly Ryan’s hesitance to enter the rest of it and a few moments of amusing jumps and scares when things would clang and one memorable EVP that Ryan could hear, as if someone was whispering “ _ Leave _ .” in his ear.

 

He jumped and spun around, wildly swinging his flashlight about the walls, breathing ragged. When he spun around to look at Shane, the other man was standing still, his eyes trained on one particular spot in the darkness. His face was devoid of emotion and it felt similar to when you catch a child intently watching something that you cannot see, or when a dog barks at nothing. When the flashlight fell on Shane, he started, spinning towards Ryan and there was something about his face that seemed more sunken in than usual, like the skin was pulled too tight over his bones. He looked gaunt, but then he grinned and Ryan let out a breath of air. Something about Shane’s smile could always calm him. Of course, he knew why, but he would never say it out loud.

 

“Shall we?” Shane said, bowing and gesturing further into the tunnel.

 

“I fucking guess…” Ryan breathed.

 

The camera crew lingered at the mouth of the tunnel and the two men walked in deeper. Shane was ducking, trying to avoid hitting his head on the ceiling, or against the walls, and Ryan was trying to make himself look as small as possible.

 

As they walked, the tunnel became narrower and narrower. Shakily, Ryan turned the camera on himself. “They say there’s an altar spot further down. I don’t… I don’t know if Shane’s big old noodle limbs are even going to fit, but I think that might be a good place to test the spirit box?” He glanced at Shane for confirmation. Shane just peered at him out of the corner of his eyes and shrugged.

 

“You know how I feel about that thing, but just the thought of how much it’s going to freak you out in an  _ altar room _ is warming my heart.” He said with a devilish grin that seemed only a little bit empty. Ryan made a face at him, his heart skipping a beat, as they wandered deeper in.

 

A minute or so later of admittedly half-hearted bickering, a loud scrape echoed throughout the tunnel in the dark shadows up ahead. Ryan stopped dead in his tracks, breathing stuttering. If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed how Shane bristled and an infinitesimal snarl lifted one side of his lip. When Ryan’s head snapped to stare at Shane, Shane’s face was relaxed, lifting an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah man, I mean raccoons can be kinda terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but I think we’re safe.” He said. Ryan just rolled his eyes and shone the light down the tunnel, sweeping it wildly across the shadows. It barely illuminated much of anything and another, quieter scrape seemed to echo against the walls.

 

Shane was staring again, and Ryan had a hard time looking away. It reminded him so much of the genuine fear from the Waverly Hills Sanatorium. Even though Shane had admitted that it was because he had seen a flesh-and-blood critter and was afraid of rabies, Ryan remembers the tapes and he remembers what he saw, and there had been no critter.

 

“Are you okay?” Ryan asked quietly, reaching out to touch Shane’s shoulder. Before his hand could make contact, Shane seemed to snap out of it and looked towards him. Even more so than before, his skin was pale and stretched and horrible and Ryan just hoped it was the lighting.

 

“Uh… yeah. Just thought I heard something.” He said and his voice, too, was strange. It was lower, deeper, and reverberated more than usual. Ryan shivered and was about to suggest that they turn around before Shane marched on. Ryan paused and then jogged to catch up.

 

There were a good few minutes of silence, of nothing in particular happening and Shane seemed to visibly relax, when suddenly a loud snap sounded right behind him and Shane spun around, crouched and looking  _ mean _ . Ryan only saw it for a moment before his panic reflexes had him shakily flicking the flashlight every which way.

 

“You heard that?” He asked in a breath and he half expected Shane to laugh it off, tell him it was a twig under their shoe or a mouse, but when he looked back, Shane was tense and his jaw was set. “Yeah,” he replied, too quiet, too focused.

 

“ _ Listen…” _

 

Ryan did let out a noise this time and was suddenly shaking so hard that the beam of the flashlight was skittering all over the walls. He heard the voice, again, right in his ear, just laughing. He could have sworn he felt a body, a mass standing just next to him but in a second it was gone. Shane was suddenly against him, pressing into his space and he had his hands on Ryan’s shoulders. In any other situation Ryan would have drank up this rare display of physical attention. He would have been memorizing the feeling of Shane’s big hands against his shoulders and the intense heat that Shane seeme to give off. But right now, all he could do was shake.

 

“Who’s there--” Ryan began to ask, but Shane quickly moved to cover his mouth before he could finish speaking. “Don’t.” Shane growled and when Ryan looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, he thought for a split moment that his eyes had gone darker. An inappropriate tingling at the base of his spine distracted him momentarily.

 

After a beat, Shane released his face and stepped back only by an inch. Ryan could still feel his body heat and in the sudden freezing temperatures of the tunnel, it was welcome.

 

“You heard that too?” He said, hushed. Shane didn’t reply this time, but it was enough of an answer.

 

“We should go back.” Shane said and it sounded like a warning. Ryan shivered again, despite Shane’s heat, and nodded. They turned back and the same voice said,

 

“ _ You’re much too late… _ ”

 

“Who’s there?” Ryan asked, too loud and too quickly for Shane to stop him. As soon as Ryan communicated directly with the creature, something growled from the shadows just behind them and Ryan froze, hand shaking. Their flashlights made an audible “POP!” and then were out, plunging them in total darkness. Ryan screamed and then the growl was so close he thought he could feel hot breath on his face. Suddenly, he was pushed forward and fell hard on the ground, knocking the wind from his lungs. When he looked back, the lights flashing in his eyes from the force of the fall seemed to illuminate a much darker figure, darker than the shadows around him. It was huge, towering much further up than it should considering the tight restrictions of the tunnel and Ryan couldn’t breathe. He felt like something was stepping on his lungs. He gasped out Shane’s name and in that fraction of a second, something large flew across his body and landed on his other side and the pressure on his chest was relieved. He took a gasping breath and rolled over on his back, grasping the ground for his flashlight. He felt like his throat and his lungs were on fire. His fingers touched something cold and metal and he grasped it, pushing the on button he was surprised when it illuminated. With wide eyes, he gazed at the scene before him.

 

Something huge, inconceivably huge, sucked all of the light out of the space to create the vague amalgamation of a figure. Ryan could make out what looked like shadowy claws nearly dragging on the ground. The creature seemed to be broadcasting a continuous, low growl into his chest and it shook him to his core. What shook him more, however, was the image of Shane, oddly disjointed and pale with too-long fingers and too-long legs (more so than usual). From Ryan’s angle he could barely make out Shane’s face, but what he could see was terrifying. His mouth was open wide, wide, wide and it looked more like a cut in his face than anything, and it - like the Shadow Man - was absorbing the light around it. His eyes were too-huge and after a moment, Shane looked at Ryan and his eyes were gone. Two gaping, black masses like pits of void looking the same as his mouth. There was a semblance of concern on the now strange face, but Ryan was already up and sprinting as much as he could in the cramped space. He heard what sounded like a strangled version of his name, but he couldn’t stop. His heart was pounding out of his chest and his breath was ragged and thin but he couldn’t stop. From behind him he heard roars and growls and scraping of claws against concrete but he couldn’t stop. The image of Shane’s sunken, horrible face wouldn’t shake from his vision, but he couldn’t stop.

 

All around him, laughter and jeers that echoed in his head taunted him. He heard things like “ _ Coward”, “Idiot”, “Fool” _ shouted at him from every angle and he felt like he could see shapes out of the corner of his eyes. One voice was whispering into his ear, “ _ he will never love you, he will only push you away, how could someone love a coward like you? A man, loving a man? Don’t be absurd you scared little child. You could never make that risk, you would never tell him, you are just weak,” _ and focusing on his breath and the pounding of his feet against the concrete was the only thing he could do to keep his heart from shattering at hearing aloud words he always repeated in his head during his darkest moments.

 

Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a glowing orb block his passage up ahead. Behind him he heard sounds of a fight, of growls and cries and those horrible, horrible scraping noises and something within him hoped Shane - or whatever Shane-shaped  _ thing _ was back there - was winning. The orb in front of him moved closer slowly and if it weren’t for the demon battle behind him, he would have run the other way. Once it got close enough, he could make out the vague shape of a decaying skull. It glowed like a beacon and Ryan had to clap a hand over his mouth to muffle the scream.

 

He felt like he was going to collapse.

 

“ _ Do not trust it. _ ” The skull hissed, rising and falling in front of his vision. He moved, incrementally, to the side and the skull followed to stay in his line of sight. “ _ You can never trust a monster. It has his claws in you, but it is not too late. _ ”

 

Finally, the skull had moved enough to the side for Ryan to take off again even though his legs felt like jello. He was running purely on adrenaline and fear as the voices continued to taunt him, telling him he is depraved and a coward and a good for nothing child. He felt the fear reach a breaking point at the top of his throat and his mind began to white out in what he recognized, vaguely, as a panic attack. Before everything went blank, he noticed the light of the opening of the tunnel and could hear voices, and then there was static.

 

He burst out of the mouth of the tunnel and fell onto his knees, face wet with tears he doesn’t remember crying and knees scraped up from the rocks and concrete. TJ and the crew glanced up from their phones, looks of shock in all of their faces. One or two crewmembers tried chuckling, thinking that this might be a bit, but Ryan was panicking and crying and Shane wasn’t there and there was something wrong. Something was very wrong.

 

After a moment, the crew began to catch up and fumbled for first aid kits and someone kneeled next to Ryan, a hand on his back rubbing gentle circles but he couldn’t hear and he couldn’t look up. He only stared into the rubble under his hands and breathed. A second later, he could hear another ragged breath and the beating of shoes against gravel. There were so many voices all at once and Ryan swallowed back a whimper. Out of all of the people around him, Ryan could pick up Shane’s voice and there were two feelings he got in confusing, foreign simultaneity. One was the familiar warmth he felt in his chest with Shane’s presence. The other was a new, frightening repulsion as the image of Shane’s hollow, sunken nightmare of a figure burned itself into the back of his eyelids.

 

He heard Shane barking orders at people and the hand on his back was replaced by another on his shoulder and he could tell by the long, bony appendages that it must be Shane. He shrieked and wrenched himself away from the other man. When he looked over, Shane’s face was normal again, albeit scraped and bruised and he looked so utterly hurt that it distorted his features in a strange way. He was staring, so still he looked paused. Then he moved, slowly, looking towards the crew. He waved them away, saying something to them and Ryan heard shuffling, and murmurs and then it was quiet and he realized it was just him and Shane. He froze as if his lack of movement would make him invisible.

 

“Ryan…” he heard Shane murmur, quiet and calming in a way that Ryan wanted to sink into. He uncurled himself, watching Shane with a hawk’s eye. “Ryan… please, let me explain.”

 

Ryan shivered because every atom of his being wanted to brush it off and pretend that none of this had ever happened, but the reasonable part of him, the one that knew what it saw and was  _ terrified _ , kept him still. He did not move and he did not say anything and Shane visibly swallowed, his hands held out in front of him.

 

“That thing… was trying to hurt you. I had to do something.”

 

This is the the worst case scenario. Shane had been planning and working so carefully around Ryan and he thought they had fallen into some semblance of normalcy. He thought they would be alright. He thought that maybe they--

 

“You saw it.” Ryan whispered and, for some reason, the thought that Shane was somehow admitting to seeing an actual real demon was overpowering his better judgement. “You saw the demon.”

 

Shane nodded and it pulled a hysteric laugh from Ryan. He stood up suddenly and Shane, looking concerned, stood up as well. Ryan held his head in his hands for a moment before taking off towards the forest in the general direction of their car.

 

“Ryan!” Shane shouted, and jogged to catch up to him. Ryan slowed to a fast walk, throwing his hands into the air, crying out at the overwhelming emotions that shot through him all at once.

 

“I win then!” He said, suddenly, still walking, still facing away from Shane. Shane let out a sort of surprised laughter before falling in step with Ryan. “Uh… yeah, I guess so. Ghosts are real, Ryan. I admit it.”

  
Ryan shot him a look out of the corner of his eyes and it was only a shadow of the  _ look _ from earlier and Shane craved the real thing. It was only a moment before their car could be seen through the trees. Ryan could hear the stream and he breathed out slowly. The crew’s car had left and he assumed Shane had said something to them about leaving the two of them alone. He was grateful for a moment before he remembered--

 

“What was that?” He spun around, facing Shane with wide eyes. Shane looked taken aback, opening his mouth, about to say something about the Shadow Man but Ryan seemed to predict exactly what he was trying to do because he shook his head wildly back and forth.

 

“No. With you, why did you look like that? What happened to you?”

 

Shane’s breath caught in his throat and he looked at Ryan searchingly before sighing and going to run a hand over his face.

 

“Ah, okay, so you did see that. I thought that maybe-”

 

“What was it, Shane? What’s wrong with you?”

 

Shane winced, not meeting Ryan’s gaze. “Um… well- fuck, how do I explain this?”

 

Ryan was shaking again. He could feel something coming that was going to break him just a little bit, more so than he already was. An admission that was going to force him to reevaluate everything he had ever believed.

 

“Just say it. I know what you are. Just say it.”

 

Shane groaned loudly. “This isn’t fucking Twilight, Ryan. You just don’t want to say it out loud.”

 

“You’re a demon, right? You fucking possessed my friend and you’re a demon and I fucking led my friend into fucking demon infested fucking waters and now he’s fucking possessed and-” Ryan was hyperventilating again. He stumbled past the car and fell into the grass, first on his knees and then onto his elbows, holding his head in his hands again.

 

Shane stood, fists balled so that his knuckles began to turn white. Muscles pulled taut in an effort to keep him planted where he was, no matter how much he so badly wanted to move. Ryan kneeled, hunched, shaking against the ground. His body was rising and falling with labored, heaving breaths. Shane inched forward, grass crunching under his hiking boot, alerting Ryan of his movement. Immediately, Ryan shot out a hand, palm out, and Shane stopped.

 

“Ryan,” Shane whispered, trembling, “please.”

 

“SHUT UP, SHANE! Jesus fuck, just give me a minute!”

 

Shane halted again and sighed out a shattered breath. This is the last thing he had wanted. This is the worst way Ryan could have found out. He thought about telling him, thought about finding the right time and the right place, maybe later, maybe if he had gotten more… invested. But not this. Never this.

 

“Fuck.” He stated, plainly and flatly. Running a hand through his unruly hair, he sighed and crouched from where he stood. “What the fuck.”

 

They stayed like that for a while. Ryan just breathing, Shane crouched, waiting him out. It felt like hours before finally, Ryan sighed and lifted his head, turning to look back towards Shane.

 

“When did you do it?” He asked. Shane stood up quickly, looking anxious.

 

“Um… when did I do what?” Shane’s eyebrows furrowed. Ryan rolled his eyes, standing up slowly as his fists clenched and unclenched. “When did you possess him?” He said after a moment of deep breathing. Shane cleared his throat, uncomfortable.

  
“I guess… like thirty two years ago.” He said with a humourless laugh. Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “How is that possible?” He asked with a hiss. Shane just shrugged, avoiding Ryan’s gaze.

 

“Well… I escaped again about thirty two years ago. I was looking for bodies to possess but I was weak, so really I could only control infants. So I did. And it was me. Shane. It’s me, Ryan. It’s always been me. I’ve always been this way.”

 

Ryan hissed a breath through his teeth, looking heavenward. “But you don’t believe in ghosts.” He said with a huff. Shane gesticulated wildly. “I mean… I don’t believe in them in the sense that I think they suck and can’t do shit.” Ryan’s mouth fell open, exhausted disbelief pulling his features pathetically.

 

“So you just… you’re doing this for kicks? To fuck with me?” Ryan’s voice is a whine and Shane resisted rushing towards him, to touch him, to quell him. He kept his feet firmly planted and shook his head.

 

“No, no of course not. I do this because I like it, because I like… I like being around you.” He felt like this was already admitting too much.  _ One confession at a time _ . His mind scolded. He hated that he wasn’t even thinking about that right now.

 

Ryan just shook his head violently. “That’s so bullshit. That’s such bullshit. You knew that place was fucked, you knew I was in danger and then you fucking  _ led me in _ . What is this about? Feeding your little demon army? Taking my soul? Eating my heart? Just tell me the fucking  _ truth _ , Shane!”

 

“It  _ is _ the truth!” Shane bellowed, suddenly too angry, too hot. He could feel his skin tightening again and he swallowed down the bubbling black that felt like bile in his throat. Ryan took a step back and Shane reached a hand out again before letting it fall. He sighed, this time it was his turn to fall to his knees, head in his hands.

 

“Ryan, you have to believe me.” He could tell his voice had gone low, gravely, inhuman. Ryan shuddered and tried to fight back his flight instinct.

 

“I just… wanted something normal. I’m so tired of hurting people, of taking orders,” the hot feeling was hard to fight down and he wondered how bad of an idea it would be if he just let go. He waited. He tried to explain.

 

“I’m already so old. I was old thirty two years ago. I just wanted to  _ live _ for a while. Then I found you and it felt so fucking  _ perfect _ . There’s no way you would have survived on your own. Spirits may not be strong enough to rip your heart out, but they can certainly force you to do it.” He didn’t dare look at Ryan, not with how he could feel the shift in skin and bone.

 

“I just wanted you to be safe. I knew I could do it, I knew it would be easy. And you just--” He snarled and not for lack of control, but more out of frustration. “You just… made me feel  _ alive _ ! For the first time in centuries!”

 

His body shook and his back arched with the inevitable.

 

“I’m going to show you, Ryan. I’m going to show you what I look like and I want you to know that I will never, ever hurt you. I will never  _ let _ anything hurt you. If you-” he swallowed again, “if you can’t do this, accept this, then that’s fine. I’ll leave you alone and you’ll never hear from me again but I’m  _ begging  _ you. Please, please… don’t leave.”

 

And with that, he lifts his body from the ground. It’s the riskiest thing he’s done in centuries, in  _ eons _ , what with the light of the late-afternoon sun illuminating his paper-white skin and the road only just behind them. He was exposed, and he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

At his full height he was easily ten or eleven feet tall. His arms were bonier, thinner than they ever should be and his fingers had elongated to sharp, white points. His skin was like thin, white leather, scaly and dry where it pulled over his joints and bones in distinctly inhuman ways. His knees were knocked backwards and his feet had stretched into inky black talons that could have crushed Ryan’s skull in a single motion.

 

His face… that was the worst part, and he knew it. His head was larger than it should be, bald and set within it were two pools of black void where his eyes should have been, only a single dot of white in the center conveying where he might be looking - it was at Ryan, of course, always looking at Ryan. His mouth wasn’t much of a mouth. It was, itself, a wide pool of black void like his eyes and within it one could make out sharp, pointed teeth. His mouth did not close, nor did it move when he spoke. A set of jet-black antlers that had no discerning detail, as if they had simply been cut out of the background and left only nothingness, grew from just above his eyes and seemed to reach further up and out than anyone could possibly conceive.

 

He knew that he was, to say it gently, mind-breakingly terrifying.

 

Ryan wasn’t faring too well.

 

Shocking Shane, he wasn’t running, but he was back on his knees and his face had gone pallid and he was shaking violently. There was an urge in Shane to reach down and embrace Ryan who looked now so small and so young, but as soon as his massive body moved, Ryan’s eyes slid into the back of his skull and he promptly passed out.

 

Shane froze, glancing around the surrounding area, before moving to cover Ryan’s entire body with his. Due to the uncertain nature of his form, it was easy to entirely envelope Ryan and once there he pressed his forehead to the other man’s. It was sweaty and cold and Shane knew now from his position that it was because his brain had just sort of… fucked off for a second. He wondered if it would be better if he stayed in this form or slid back into his human body before Ryan woke up, and something from the connection between their heads told him that he already knew the answer.

 

By the time Ryan came to, Shane still had his forehead pressed to his head, but it was a distinctly human forehead and his body was a distinctly human body and Ryan wondered for a moment if he had just finally had a mental break and none of that had actually happened, but when he opened his eyes, he was met with two black pools.

 

He leapt backwards.

 

Shane had his hands out and his eyes quickly shrunk back into their normal, kind brown.

 

“Sorry! Sorry, I just thought you… I didn’t want you to think it wasn’t real.” He said and his voice, too, was back to normal.

 

Still shaking, although much less so now, Ryan pressed a hand to his head and stared at Shane, his mouth hanging open.

 

“You… you’re a demon.” He rasped after a moment of tense silence.

 

Shane nodded once.

 

“And that… is not what I thought demons looked like.”

 

Laughter burst from Shane and it made Ryan jump a little before his mouth quirked in a smile.

 

“What, did you think we were all bat wings and pointed tails?” He asked teasingly and he could tell that it relaxed Ryan just a little bit. Ryan breathed out a stuttering, slightly hysterical laugh and shrugged, eyes still searching Shane’s face for something.

 

“I… guess? I actually have no idea. I just… I don’t think my brain could have even  _ begun _ to picture that. You’re like an Eldritch  _ god _ or a fucking  _ forest spirit _ or something.”

 

Shane laughed a little again and shrugged. “I mean, I’m thousands of years old, but I’m not a god. Not even close.” He smirked and Ryan went back into his slightly hysterical laughter and this time Shane did move to touch him. Thankfully,  _ finally _ , Ryan let Shane wrap his arms around him and squeeze. Ryan even shakily clung to Shane’s shoulders and let the laughter pass.

 

When they parted, Shane still had a hand on Ryan’s arm and he was still too close, but Ryan didn’t say anything.

 

“You’re not going to kill me?” He asked after a moment. Shane chuckled and shook his head.

 

“Or possess me?” Shane rolled his eyes.

 

“Or try to eat my--”

 

“Ryan, if I wanted to kill you or possess you or eat your heart I would have done it long ago, trust me.” Shane said, exasperated. Ryan nodded slowly, processing this like it was tough news to swallow. Shane could practically hear the gears in Ryan’s brain beginning to move, turning slowly at first and then speeding up. He only had a moment of realization before Ryan’s onslaught of questions.

 

“Why me? Why Buzzfeed? Is the real baby Shane still alive in there? What was that in the tunnel? Why are there fucking  _ floating skulls _ ? What else is real? Can you see the ghosts? What--”

 

Shane held up a hand and Ryan’s chattering quieted. He was grinning and he knew now that Ryan wasn’t going to leave and his heart was  _ singing _ .

 

“Um, you, because you’re you, duh. Buzzfeed because you work at Buzzfeed and because I like the work I guess? No, I killed baby Shane when I first possessed this body. I’m the only one in here. That was a guardian to a portal to Hell and it really, really didn’t want you wandering in. Or me, for that matter. I actually didn’t know about the floating skulls and I want to hear more about that later. Lots of things are real, but what’s the fun in a solved mystery? And yes. I can see ghosts.” He sighed out a breath and stood back up, offering a hand to Ryan.

 

“And that’s all the questions you get today. Try again tomorrow.”

 

Ryan took his hand and Shane felt a small jolt at the way their skin slid against one another. “And I don’t want you asking questions you aren’t prepared to hear the answer to.”

 

Already, Ryan looked a little shaken from the answers to his last questions, but he also looked completely exhausted and Shane helped him into the passenger seat of the car where he promptly passed out, this time in a deep sleep and not from his brain shorting out.

 

Shane drove them back to the hotel. He called TJ and told him that they had seen coyote in the tunnel and it had not been safe, but he and Ryan had made it out safely. TJ seemed satisfied, murmuring something about how it would have been better for the tape if Ryan’s reaction had been from a ghost and it rubbed Shane the wrong way. Ryan’s fear was not to be exploited. They quickly discussed travel plans, deciding to take another day to rest before leaving the morning after next to head back to LA. Shane glanced at Ryan’s slumbering form nestled amongst the blankets from when Shane had helped him inside and dumped him onto the bed. He smiled and agreed that maybe they needed a day to recuperate. TJ said goodbye and Shane hung up without responding.

 

He went to sit down on the other bed, just watching Ryan with that same sort of unabashed fascination from the car. He found Ryan fascinating. Everything about him. Objectively, he had met hundreds, maybe thousands of Ryan-types. Believers in the supernatural, bouncy, vibrant energies that seemed to affect any and all who might be in its presence. He’d even met plenty of people who  _ looked _ like Ryan, acted like him, liked the same movies, wore the same clothes.

 

The thing about it, though, is that there has never, ever been anyone  _ exactly _ like Ryan. Every time Shane looked at him he felt warm and good. Like he could handle anything. He was his own, brave and smart and funny and infectious and beautiful and kind and Shane… Shane adored every part of it. He let himself feel the overwhelming relief that Ryan hadn’t run away today. That he wouldn’t have to say goodbye and become some hollow shell of what he was with Ryan. Ryan made him happy. Ryan made him  _ human _ .

 

Shane realized he had been staring for a while when Ryan’s eyes fluttered open only just, peering at Shane.

 

“I have another question.”

 

Shane smirked and he knew that it was adoring but he couldn’t hide it.

 

“Shoot.”

 

“Why me?”

 

“You already asked me that.”

 

“Yeah but you gave shitty answers.”

 

Shane rolled his eyes.

 

“Because your soul is delicious.” Shane deadpanned. “I’m just laying in wait until it’s ripe enough to pluck and then I’m gonna slurp it up.”

 

Ryan stared for a moment before making a face and grumbling about it being “too soon”. Shane was laughing when Ryan rolled over onto his other side with a huff.

 

After another few moments, Ryan’s breath had fallen even again and he was snoring softly so Shane stood up, walking over to lean over Ryan’s sleeping face. He looked, for a moment, before going to place the softest, gentlest kiss on his forehead.

 

“It’s because I love you.” He whispered before going to get ready for bed himself. He settled against the pillow after brushing his teeth and changing into his pajamas. He turned the light off and for a moment, he wondered why Ryan’s snoring had stopped, but then sleep overtook him and he was out.

 

The next morning - or, more accurately, early afternoon - Shane slowly awoke to Ryan hunched over his laptop, intently reading something as he idly munched on a piece of bacon. When he noticed Shane was awake, he offered him a paper plate of mostly-cold continental breakfast. Shane took it and began picking at a muffin.

 

“What’re you doing?” He asked blearily. Ryan glanced at him before shutting his laptop, setting it aside. “Nothing.” He replied, reaching for the TV remote and turning it on, aimlessly switching through the channels. Shane gave him an odd look, but shrugged it off, going to gather some clothes and head to the shower.

 

By the time he got out, Ryan was on his computer again, this time too absorbed to notice Shane’s reappearance. Shane inched his way around the bed so that he could see the computer screen and was surprised to watch as Ryan tabbed inbetween a google search for “pagan rituals”, “goetic demon ritual”, and a document that seemed to be filled with frantic typing. Shane wondered how long Ryan had been awake, researching, writing down questions and important information. He couldn’t even  _ try _ to be mad at the guy. He was a natural detective, an inquisitive mind, and it only makes sense that the morning after learning one of the biggest revelations of his life Ryan would be elbows deep in research.

 

Shane allowed himself to appreciate, for a moment, the sharp angles of Ryan’s jaw. His mouth was closed and his teeth were clenched which made the lines against his neck stand out stark. Every so often, his Adam’s apple bobbed and Shane followed the movement with his eyes. He noticed a shift in Ryan’s jaw and he glanced up to see that Ryan was looking at him now, having caught him inexplicably staring. His lips were parted just a little and there was a blush on his ears and coloring his cheeks a ruddy pink.

 

Shane looked away to finish putting his shirt back on. “You know, if you really had that many questions I could just answer ‘em for you.” He said and Ryan’s eyes shot wide, slamming his laptop shut. Shane chuckled, leveling Ryan with a look. “Dude, I do not care about your researching. That is all up to you. Gotta have multiple sources, am I right?”

 

Ryan didn’t look completely convinced but he twisted up his mouth, looking over at his now closed laptop.

 

They sat there in silence for a moment and Shane could tell that Ryan was gearing up for a question he was scared to ask. A part of Shane wondered if it had anything to do with what he said after Ryan had fallen asleep, if maybe he’d heard the most terrifying confession Shane had made that night. But then, he noticed how Ryan was glancing at his laptop as if mentally checking over the research he had been doing and Shane knew that whatever he was about to ask was going to be heavier than asking about a stupid love confession.

 

“Wh- who are you? What’s your true name?” Ryan said and when he looked back, he seemed to be challenging Shane in a way. A way that scared him.

 

Shane was a little taken aback by the confrontational nature of the question and seemed to be debating something for a long time before he hung his head, sighing deeply.

 

“It’s hard to pronounce in any human language and so I’m going to say it in my mother tongue and you are going to never repeat it ever, or try to repeat it.” Shane looked at Ryan seriously and Ryan nodded, looking stricken.

 

Shane turned around so that Ryan could not see the way his mouth disintegrated into its pit of void.

 

“ **_SHOVHA_ ** .”

 

Ryan shivered.

 

When Shane turned back around, his mouth was human again and he quirked a smile. He knew that no human tongue could possibly pronounce the name, but it still made him nervous. Names hold a huge amount of power for demons and he basically just gave it all to Ryan.

 

There was something in his expression that made it clear that Ryan understood the weight of the action.

 

“I wanna see it.” He said, voice small. Shane’s eyebrows shot up and then lowered mischievously, a grin stretching across his mouth. Ryan spluttered, face and neck heating up and eventually he settled on a flustered eye roll.

 

“You’re gross.” He said with a huff and Shane just laughed, half hoping Ryan wouldn’t ask again. But of course Ryan was a curious type, always testing himself, always pushing the boundaries of what he understood and what he knew to be true.

 

His features schooled and he looked at Shane again. “I wanna see your face. Just the face. Maybe just the eyes… I wanna see it again.”

 

Shane frowned, breathing in deeply. This was more than he had ever revealed to a human, but it was Ryan and he would do anything for Ryan. Plus, he’d already revealed his entire, true form so what was left to lose at this point?

 

He looked up with brown, human eyes and sighed. “Fine. But you have to stay calm, man. I can’t have you passing out on me again.”

 

Ryan just shook his head vigorously, sight trained on Shane’s face and the focus made his cheeks burn just a little bit.

 

Slowly, very slowly, he allowed the pits of his eyes to give way and he knew that his skin was tightening as well. He had to hold back the urge to drop everything, stretch out all ten some feet of his true form. It wasn’t difficult to keep this human body looking human, but it was difficult to hold it somewhere in an inbetween state. That was probably why he had eventually been unable to hold onto his human form back at the tunnel. The moment he had stepped into that place, the portal had been drawing his true self from him and it was so hard to hold it in.

 

He watched Ryan carefully through the tunnel vision of his unblinking white pupils amidst a pool of inky blackness. Something about it seemed to almost be pulling matter within it and a very human expression of concern made his eyes look comically out of place.

 

Ryan just stared for a while, eyes searching as he drank up every detail of the visage before him. He swallowed and got up from his seat on the bed, slowly making his way towards Shane. There was an urge to move backwards, away from the other man, but Shane stayed fast and held his breath.

 

“Why does your skin do that?”

 

Shane just shrugged, averting his gaze for a moment before turning it back on Ryan. “It’s really hard to let just a little slip through. There’s other features that happen, too, sometimes.” And Ryan noticed how Shane’s fingers seemed uncannily long, almost pointed at the fingertips and it reminded him of the inbetween stage on the cover of  _ Animorph _ books.

 

Ryan reached out a hand and Shane shrunk back, but there was a soothing hum that urged him to sit up again. Ryan’s hand met his cheek and Shane shuddered, the touch both intimate and searching in a way he wasn’t used to. Shane wasn’t actually sure what would happen if Ryan touched his eyes. No one ever had. He didn’t say anything as Ryan’s fingers slid across his leathery skin and towards the hollow sockets. It didn’t hurt, not like when you poke your eye putting in a contact or when grit gets underneath the lid. It just felt  _ weird _ . The tip of Ryan’s middle finger dipped only just into the blackness and then he pulled away and Shane had to keep himself from chasing after the touch. Ryan looked at his finger that seemed to drip a wispy black substance before it disappeared completely into the air.

 

“That’s so fucked up.” He murmured and Shane snorted, grinning in a lopsided way. Ryan’s gaze snapped to his face again and he made a strangled sort of noise.

 

“More of it--” he said haltingly and Shane could feel the black substance leaking from his mouth and he thought he could feel his teeth elongating.

 

“Is it scary?” He asked, his voice going deep and reverberating just inside Ryan’s temples. Ryan shuddered and his hand was held, aborted movement in midair, like he wanted to touch but wasn’t sure if he should.

 

Shane leaned forward a little as if to invite the touch.

 

Again, Ryan’s fingers found his face, felt along the stretched, pale skin, brushed over his lips and the black substance that was trying to consume it. They ran along the beginnings of the black antlers that begun to poke through his skull and the gaunt cheekbones and slender nose. A part of it was just Shane. Just Shane’s face, askew, and Ryan seemed so fascinated by the touch and so free with it that the vibrating feeling began from each point of contact and shook throughout Shane’s body.

 

He shivered.

 

Finally, Ryan shook his head and dropped his hand. “It’s not scary.” He said with a small smile and it looked genuine. When Shane breathed out a sigh of relief, every human aspect of him snapped back into place and suddenly, he was just Shane. Ryan was looking at him with a fondness he couldn’t quite understand - or wouldn’t let himself analyze - and began to laugh as he fell onto the bed next to Shane.

 

“Jesus christ, this is so fucking weird.”

 

Shane shrugged, smirking. “Yeah, but did you expect anything less from us?”

 

Ryan just laughed, shaking his head. “I guess not.”

 

They sat in silence for a moment before Ryan looked over at him again.

 

“You had said you escaped again. Where did you escape from?” Ryan’s voice was quiet and Shane knew this conversation had been coming. It’s not that, after all of this, he thought Ryan was going to freak out, it was more that it was somewhat of a sore spot and he had to be careful how he phrased things or else it could get really depressing really quickly.

 

He sighed and rubbed at his face. “Uh… well, so I’m a demon, right?” Ryan smirked but nodded. “And most demons come from Hell, right?” Ryan’s smirk dropped, but he was still listening intently as he nodded again. “Okay, well, a couple hundred years ago, I was working for some princes of the underworld, doing their dark bidding and all that jazz, when I heard there was going to be an uprising and, you know me, I love a bit of anarchistic revolution, so I joined. I became one of the leading forces in the uprising, actually, and helped a lot of people out. Demons who were being treated like shit and murdered for no good reason, that kinda stuff. I got a lot of them out and lived on earth for a while until I got caught and thrown in prison for… a while. One or two hundred years or so. It wasn’t great. I escaped, though, and that was when I found baby Shane. I’ve been hiding out here ever since.” With that, Shane swung his arms out as if to say  _ “ta da!” _ Ryan was frowning, eyebrows furrowed.

 

“You were just helping people escape Hell?” He asked quietly. Shane shrugged.

 

Ryan rubbed at his cheeks and looked at the ceiling. “You’re just like… a good dude, huh?”

 

Shane shrugged again, feeling timid about the subject matter and didn’t want to name himself exactly good or exactly bad. Ryan was looking at him in this way, though, like his mind was being blown and it was all Shane’s doing. After all this time he knew that it was a reverse of position for him to have been the one to blow  _ Ryan’s _ mind.

 

So he smiled in that small way that he does and Ryan’s eyes went alight.

 

“You’re a good demon. I was wrong, there  _ are _ good demons!”

 

Shane didn’t want to admit that maybe he hadn’t always been a good demon so he rotated his shoulders in an uncomfortable way and he said, “your use of black and white morality is damning.”

 

Ryan did not miss the pun this time and he snorted out a wheezing laugh.

 

Throughout their off day, Ryan asked more questions and Shane answered. They stayed on that bed together and when the sun went down, they realized how hungry they were - Shane, perhaps, for something that shitty diner food couldn’t quench - and they decided to go on a quest for food.

 

After a very short google maps foray they ended up in a small restaurant just a few miles from their hotel room and Ryan stuffed his face with pancakes and Shane tried not to look fond at the overuse of syrup and the jabbing remarks about the superiority of pancakes to most (but not all) breakfast foods.

 

They returned to their hotel room, full and sated and Shane collapsed in his bed. He was surprised when Ryan fell next to him but didn’t dare question it.

 

After a long stretch of silence that neither really wanted to break, Ryan shifted to look at Shane.

 

“I have another question.”

 

The way he asked it was the same way he had asked every demon-related question so far and so Shane shifted towards him as well, lifting his eyebrows in a way that said,  _ go on _ .

 

“What was with that kiss?”

 

Shane’s blood ran cold.

 

His face must have betrayed something because Ryan reached out to grasp his shoulder and he calmed only just. He still couldn’t look at Ryan’s face and so he trained his eyes on the window with the curtain drawn.

 

“What kiss?” He asked, foolishly thinking he could play dumb.

 

“The forehead kiss. You know the one, Shane. You know what I’m talking about.”

 

The unsaid thing is that Ryan knew that Shane was smart, he knew Shane would make the connections because for as much as Ryan is the investigator, Shane was the spark. He was the one that seemed to prompt every theory, every possible explanation that Ryan would never have been able to find. The thing that Shane brought was more than just an opposing viewpoint, it was a challenge to step up and out of the comfort zone.

 

And so he sighed and he fell onto his back, arm flung over his eyes.

 

“It was dumb. I was scared you had been… broken, I guess. It was stupid.” He mumbled and he was surprised when Ryan’s voice came from so close.

 

“I heard you.”

 

Shane’s heart seemed to stop and he knew that no matter what, it would have continued beating. There was nothing he could do to stop it from doing so aside from willing it to. But still, the breath against his ear and the knowing, powerful words that would not step down made him feel like everything on Earth paused for just their one moment.

 

“You did?” He asked, voice shaking. He still could not look. He could feel a warm hand on his bicep and he gave himself a moment to appreciate it for what it was. Connection, warmth, pressure.

 

“Yeah, I did,” Ryan continued, “and I have to say, it’s the most shocking information you have presented so far.”

 

Shane couldn’t help the snort and the wheezing laugh.

 

“Theory one,” Ryan’s voice was so close and Shane was grinning because this was so ludicrous, so utterly  _ Ryan _ , he couldn’t help but smile.

 

“You brought me to bed that night and when I fell asleep, something concocted a new story. My brain projected what I wanted to have happen, what I was hoping was the zenith of the evening, despite the events from the rest of the evening. You had revealed yourself to me and, in a way, I was sure I had revealed myself to you. The next morning, the sleepy haze prevented me from knowing, truly, what had happened.”

 

Shane listened, wrapped in the gentle, lilting voice just beside him.

 

“Theory two,” Ryan continued and Shane could hear the smile in his voice, “you had revealed your true form to me in an example of your trust in our friendship. That night, as I fell asleep, you sealed that trust with a simple kiss to the forehead and it meant nothing more than an appreciation for what had just transpired.”

 

An, honestly, sound theory. He could have run away with it if Ryan hadn’t continued.

 

“And then the third and final theory,” Ryan’s voice was soft and breathy and it took everything within Shane not to turn around and kiss him right then, “I had just found out your deepest secret, revealing your true form, your true name, and when I fell asleep there was a moment of sincerity where you revealed a third secret. Something else, unrelated to the events of the evening but somehow… still so much in the same vein. Over my sleeping form, you made a decision to let yourself have a moment of weakness, not taking into account the small amount of time in between falling asleep, and  _ being _ asleep. Unknowingly, you revealed to me something else.”

 

Shane finally looked at Ryan who, despite his calm, joking voice, looked terrified and expectant. Shane understood that he was supposed to play along, banter like this was one of his videos and argue, positing a new theory, something bolder and truer but… there was nothing more true than what Ryan had already said.

 

“I love you.” Shane whispered and Ryan’s breath caught in his throat.

 

They stayed there for a moment, staring at each other in agonizing lucidity before Ryan rushed forward, pressing his lips against Shane’s.

 

As far as a first kiss goes, it wasn’t  _ great _ . It was a little sloppy and it took them more than a few beats to figure out what was going on, but once they did… it became magic.

 

Shane lifted his hand to thread it through Ryan’s hair and Ryan wrapped both arms around Shane’s long torso. They tumbled back and forth until Shane easily lifted Ryan on top of him and they were able to slot their mouths together and mold against one another in a way that just felt  _ right _ .

 

Sure, they had a few thousand years between them, and sure neither was completely sure whether this was actually okay or if this was due to the emotional high from the intensity of the last two days, but they were sure that this was something they both had wanted for so, so long.

 

They kissed long into the night and Shane revelled in the few moments that they pulled apart, only for Ryan to pressed his hot mouth against Shane’s neck and claim, “ _ I love you, I love you _ ,” like he hadn’t just seen Shane transform into a nightmarish figure.

 

After a while, exhaustion came over them and they tangled themselves together, not daring to say a word or move or else they break the magic and they both slept soundly that night. Eventually, TJ would wake them with urgent calls and they would go back to their life in LA and they would have long, exhaustive talks about what  _ this _ was and who  _ they _ were, but right now, they held each other for dear life and neither felt safer than they did in this exact, beautiful, terrible moment.

**Author's Note:**

> HEY hope u liked it! Please leave a comment or a kudo or whatever and let me know what you liked! Also, again, follow me on tumblr or just message me there cuz I don't really have anyone to talk to about BFU and I have a lot of feelings.
> 
> URL: boychickenboy.tumblr.com


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